What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
16.06.2025 00:35
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Have you ever accidentally seen your mother-in-law doing something that was private to her?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I was very sick at this time too.
She loved him until the end.
What are the bitter truths of life one should know?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Put me off passion for life!!
Would this be the day?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
What are the signs of mild autism in a child?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Are there any more 'nun' jokes?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I want to touch my sister’s boobs. What do I say?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He knew the spot.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Why are leftist movements so popular among young people?
Comes on , in middle age.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
How would you feel if your girlfriend had dick pics on her phone?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I could never make a relationship work though!
What are some life hacks for living on your own?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was 9 years of age.
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He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
My husband asked me why do I keep on complaining about him cheating. Why don't I just leave?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He resisted the act ,that day.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
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You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
We were not on the streets..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She married twice! .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
When she asked me how she looked .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I never cut or harmed myself..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
(And it was in our own minds.)
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I was seconnd youngest,
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My family never makes their pension either.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I will be 64.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
It was going to be , some day.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Ive learnt so much.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She found it foreign!.
Who then, do I blame.?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
This is soul school!.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She wouldn,t have been !
I write beautiful poetry .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
We all went to grammer schools
But, we were locked up after school.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I waited trembling.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
All the time i was locked up.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Why did i forgive my father ?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Im still living with it.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
And i lived it daily.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I don,t even have a pension.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Especially a lifetime of it.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I think the readers, may guess!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I have no regrets .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I said to her
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But it wasn’t much.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I was scared of men, in general
What did i know ?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
So whats the point in blame.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
One cannot live in the past .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
So, i spoilt her more .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She was in good health!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
My life is so biszare .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!